Toxic FOUR: Being vulnerable

My own toxic beliefs and ensuing behaviors had gotten the best of me.  Sometimes the ideas and habits we get comfortable with end up killing us inside.

4.  Being vulnerable is dangerous. –  I am afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to me.  But this isn’t healthy.  Love is vulnerability.  Happiness is vulnerability.  The risk of being vulnerable is the price of opening myself up to beauty and opportunity.
Being vulnerable is not about showing the parts of me that are polished; it’s about revealing the unpolished parts I would rather keep hidden from the world.  It’s about looking out into the world with an honest, open heart and saying, “This is me!  Take me or leave me!”  Of course, it’s hard to consciously choose vulnerability.  Why?  Because the stakes are high.  But the truth is, nothing worthwhile in this world is a safe bet.  Since love and happiness are born out of our willingness to be vulnerable – to be open to something wonderful that could be taken away from us – when I hide from my vulnerability, I automatically hide from everything I ever wanted in life.

My Successes:

§New knowledge:A word “idiot” means ignorant person, denoting a person who is specifically incapable of learning. Before I offended someone of something, I checked the definition of this word in my official Oxford dictionary. <Aha> There are more than one definitions on google too. Learning something new & had a good laugh.
Idiot (definition in oxford dictionary: “ Middle English (denoting a person of low intelligence): via Old French from Latin idiota ‘ignorant person’, from Greek idiōtēs ‘private person, layman, ignorant person’, from idios ‘own, private’ “

§Clarification: I appreciated his feedback! I didn’t get something about this yellow train example and I clarified this with him. Thanks for your support, R!
§Insight: When I don’t know, then I clarify, I ask and I open up for any results. It was an awesome process!

When I am afraid of something/someone, Fear is an emotion that makes me taking certain action, it influences my judgement in certain extend. Beyond my fear, my ego and my lists; then I step outside my comfort zone and challenge myself to clarify, to ask for support and to open up.

My fear factors (top 5):
#1 Turtle: Yukkie! I have this stupid thing in my head now, thank you Sindy. Please don’t say “awwwww” it is scary & not funny. You may laugh & I get used to it.
#2 Idiot: low IQ is not an issue, Ignorance & stupidity scare me most! C’mon common sense is priceless, use it wisely & it clears many things with simple logic.
#3 Public toilet: the smell, the light, unwashed hands after number one or two or any number (Arrrrrrgggh ..), the door handles and ANYTHING I would possibly touch when I needed my pee in a public toilet. IF I don’t need to, I will hold it until I am home. Darnit, I have a little bladder.
#4 Hearsay: IF this teams up with my fear #2, then it will be a busy afternoon. In my opinion, clarification & openness are the possible antidotes. <aha> I got it, this fear can be out of my fear factors list.
#5 Looking for problem in every solution: I can’t find a word for this, this freaks me out often! What is going on?

§Simplicity is beautiful.
§Support: I had 2 Skylander experts in the store who helped me out, I was so happy & got a great present for the boy!
§Compliment: I gave them my compliment, I loved their smiles and I learned something new about “flying thing” in Skylander! Woo Hoo.
§Happiness: I had this hazelnuts meringue for lunch, mmm and it was my delight. This guy sat next to us also ordered the same but the waitress didn’t know this name in English, I offered my support & yes, enjoyed the dutch delight! SMILES 😉
§”Ik ben toch niet gek” : we asked for support, after a long conversation, we got this cheaper offer, faster service & bigger smiles. This lady was lovely & helpful and we got extra presents!
§Love: I had a great afternoon with the boys. I love them lots.

§Love: I had a great chat with my sister & I enjoyed our quality time.
§Play like kids: I played Lego with Jimmy, we followed the instruction and I had fun to support him. I made time for this little one & I enjoyed to see his smiles when it’s done. His smile got bigger after every piece of Lego-art.
§Lightness: I invited my sweet baboo to the Outfit info, I will be there too and he just accepted my invitation & he will go with me! Woo Hoo.
§Actually I worried a little at the beginning, then <Aha! don’t think & just do it> popped in my head <Bam>
§Insight: laugh more & worry less!


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